Self-portraits: 5 years later

From the moment I learned to draw and paint I was compelled to make self-portraits.

I believe it's a great exercise in self-knowledge and self-expression. For me, a painted self-portrait captures a moment in a different way than a photograph does. Painting is a mental process, photography is physical.

In painting, I spend hours with the image, working on every corner of it, immersed both in the painting process and in the internal process of reflection, who I am and what I am immortalizing in this image.

In a mixture of conscious, sub and unconscious brushstrokes, a question remains: How can I make this image reflect an aspect of myself that is so abstract and subjective that it is difficult to put into words?

The question fuels the process, and it doesn't necessarily lead to an answer. It's not about the answer, it's about the search.

The search is eternal, it is part of why we are here, and it happens 100% of the time (now) in different ways.

It is impossible to ignore the search, but it is possible to forget or get distracted.

As an artist, painting self-portraits is a way to explore this search that connects several important points that form our identity and self-image, but there was a period when I moved away from them.

These were the last* self-portraits I took before #transitioning, all 4 in very different styles, I really like them.

Thinking a little more about how I feel about these self-portraits, I see my different expressions over time with a gaze tempered by dichotomies.

I can identify part of the subjectivity that has always existed within me, as well as coming face to face with parts of myself that I have already discarded.

Facing these parts wasn't always comfortable, though I wasn't exactly sure why.

So for a brief period I changed the search tool, left aside the painted self-portraits and started to explore more the physicality of my body with photographic self-portraits.

There were many photos, intended to experiment with new expressions and ideas. Lighting, accessories, framing, depth, colors, makeup, clothing, and facial expressions—there was a lot to explore.

Some of them were posted somewhere, some of them weren't.

In this play state I discovered some obvious things about myself and others not so obvious, I ended up with more questions than answers, I see this as something positive.

This led to the first post from this account:

And this post was the first step towards my song MATRiX, the theme is the same:

From there it was a deliciously painful and profound cascade of events that changed me forever.

Which brings us to the present moment, 5 years later I return to self-portraits with a new perspective on myself, and in this image I was able to reflect a subjective aspect that had not previously been expressed externally, and once again pursuing a creative instinct proves to be extremely valuable.

Autorretrato - 2025

And let's agree that it's very nice to align the external world with the internal one.

And that is it.

-R4M0N4

*actually the last self-portrait I did before this one in 2025 was one in 2021 motivated by a mushroom trip, it was never posted, if you want to know more about it ask me about Curupira.